What are you doing Saturday? might be an attempt to be extra polite about making an invitation, but it only works if the person wants to accept, and its only necessary if the person is too shy to say no. I eat most things except Mexican, but with some people I have learned to just make the decision or well spend so much time dithering that once we decide on a place, my lunch break will be over. He didnt mention it at all, and he wasnt big into ice skating in years past, so I assumed he probably just wasnt interested. How do I know if my comment was lost or is just stuck in a mod queue? How To Answer "What Do You Do For Fun?" (With Examples) Oh, stop it, will you? Always always have a plan I forgot about until next day. Next week, tell me how it went? And then make myself a note to specifically ask about it. Id like to get you to take out the trash.), There *is* a certain amount of call on her time that I -do- feel entitled to (she lives in my home, not hers; shes a member of my family). Personally what works for me to feel non-imposed-upon is for someone to either tell me I have time to think about it, say hey if you cant I understand or similar, and generally act like they care about my opinions, feelings, and consent. How am I right now? To be honest, not good. If you already made someone admit that they do not have Serious Plans, of course at this point saying no to your invitation is going to be so much more difficult, because its going to be rude! It is really really worth it for people in all possible situations to understand being ethical as something you need to work on and not as something you already are by default and need no guidance and no dialogue for. and then if I do end up wanting to do whatever it is they want to do, suddenly my schedule cleared up! Sounds like hes a robot instructed to find out a fun thing the customer is doing later. You have to answer the . That would feel like a very odd response if I were making small-talk with the question. 2. And I have to say, my, Toss her out and let her adult, is in flat contradiction to my frequent assertion that successful launching has been economically tough for young adults for some time now. Now shes supposed to go on a date with me if I ask for one!. Flip the question back to them. When someone really finds you funny over text, they may send laughing emoji or 'haha'. Five Questions You Can Ask Instead Of 'How Are You?' - Forbes If I always have to be the one reaching out, that can feel either like the emotional and planning labor are being taken for granted, or like they dont actually care whether they see me. As far as I can tell both we should hang out sometime/lets have lunch and yeah, we should can translate to you are a nice person I have run into on the street or to I want to see you, lets make plans.. In the UK, most encounters respond with fine/good/grand, how are you?, In formal encounters, respond with how are you?. (In this case it was never exactly meant to result in actually doing anything), Them We need to have lunch soon Born and raised in the US, and I also think this is a weird question not to answer literally. I think feeling unsafe crosses the line where a relationship cant be repaired. LW specifically gave examples of when it happens and why it annoys them, yet dozens of people are trying to splain that this is just small talk in their part of the world. Whereas it might feel more awkward/imposing for her, and less for me, to just ask outright, Do you want to go to [event] on [this day]?. What are you doing Thursday? Please note, Ive explained why I often say no and that Im very much a loner. You may also eagerly seize on these options and/or provide some of your own., (2) Hey, Im looking for someone to cat-sit while Im out of town for the next three months. What are you doing this weekend? Opposite of what I want . Were having a party. Thats a great answer! I also (insert similar hobby or interest). The underlying assumption, is/. And maybe just dont think of the flip side where the question could potentially add more pressure. So, when they ask what youre doing this weekend and seem likely skip ahead to of course youre going to my potluck and bringing the thing I promised everyone youll bring without actually asking you and/or so you can babysit ALL WEEKEND LONG, be ok with letting them down. Oof this is hard, because how you deal with it can and will vary so wildly depending upon whos doing the asking of you. Catching up on sleep, doing chores, spending time with my partner. I just want to say I appreciate that, you know, you havent started charging your daughter rent, etc. Funny Responses To How Are You Save Image: Shutterstock Somewhere between better and best. Everyone else usually stops after the how-are-yous are exchanged. So if theyre just chatting youve invited them to talk about their own weekend, and if they are in fact leading up to an invitation, then youve been vague about whether nothing interesting means lots of chores, or free time. And if someone is trying to open a debate about the validity of your plans vs. what they want you to be doing, it is a refusal to take the podium. People who act like or claim that it is impolite are exhibiting the things I dont like must be rude/mean fallacy. 30 Best Replies To "What's Up?" (Funny & Friendly) But I hate this because then I have to pretend to wait while I figure out if my original plans are going through before I give them an answer. Me: yes! or no, sorry. Just about the only good answer is, That doesnt work for me/us, followed by, Asked and answered, when they dont want to take that answer. I want to ask you to help me with a project tonight. I miss you though, can we plan dinner soon? And I have a date Saturday, but I would love to get a phone call-catchup on the calendar if youre freemaybe Sunday afternoon? (These examples are all people I want to spend time with I also use a lot of swamped this weekend! Mild office small talk is fine with me, and I have a few coworkers who may become friends. I suppose its more of an emotional labor thing? 3. And I agree that literally saying No, I dont want to get to know you better is a bit off. its differential equations, 2. Now when he asks I say party like a rock star. Acquaintances or co-workers get a vague answer, like, {5 words to say Im in/out of town or am/arent super booked}, then, What are you up to? because its really just small talk. I have friends who grew up in Poland but have been UK citizens for decades at the tops of their highly-respected professions. But, I think the conclusion there is, thats not on me. Folding the dishes. *drops a house on MLM guy*, Heh. I had a hard time staying employed and taking care of myself because I have a chronic illness, and the alternative to living with my parents would be to figure out how to apply for section 8 housing and Disability, both of which have a long wait list. BLah, I realized I didnt finish the thought, I suppose that before I started responding that way they thought I was sitting alone rocking back and forth in the dark.. He would intentionally just hint around until they offered. Published on August 6, 2022. 1. Its okay if I dont want to share the details of what Im reading with coworkers. Its also pretty casual, and most people automatically reply to that question because its so common. 2. Figuring out how my plans fit together is my problem, not anyone elses. What the letter-writer is doing seems a bit like foreign people not grasping at first that Americans dont expect How are you? to be answered literally. I was surprised what a relief it was to move to a completely different part of the country where I at least have the option of blending in. The hubs and I do the same. Might I suggest a they or a xie, my friend. Saying no at that point feels rude, and yeah some people have reacted badly. Funny How To Respond To WYD (What Are You Doing) Texts I think its more like, LW has a bunch of overbearing, annoying relatives who use this as a manipulation tactic, so she now sees it as one. The professor went to the restroom. If its as specific as Thursday, thats true, but I find when its a larger stretch like the weekend or the holidays its just as likely to be an attempt to get to know you and learn about your hobbies, interests, routine, etc, and find out if you have anything in common/have a life they find interesting/etc. "Continue breathing." BTW, the most usual response to that last exchange is, "Works for me!" Depending upon the sophistication of the inquisitor, the final line may be "Continued respiration." Sponsored by Interview Success Formula Job interview secrets revealed. It avoids (in their mind) making the person feel pressured to commit if they dont actually want to. Are you busy? (Like the How are you? inquiries) Can you do me a favor? I think this is an expected thing for women to do. Is everyone busy? It gives them nothing, and forces them to divulge their plans. Neighbor! I slept for twelve minutes while perching on top of my desk like a bird! Thursday is good for me. Remember, . But for the LW when its potential datepeople, I do find that, Not sure yet why, do you have something fun in mind? has a pretty decent response rate. You don't want to end up like your crazy aunt who keeps asking you the same question during every holiday dinner. If I had a tail, I would wag it! Which is odd, because if anyone has an aura of genius around them, she does. My mom recently moved from but why? to Ok, I guess you dont love me which is actually a sign things are going my way because its not a direct question. Work it like a weekend warrior! Excellent insight and analysis. Just looking for my phonehave you seen it? Its also tripping flags in your head, which is infinitely more important. Then match the sentences with the correct picture. And my mom thought I was like the most studious kid ever, because I knew that if I ever looked like I had free time, she would fill it with chores, so I always had some kind of project to work on (I did have the grades to back this up or it wouldnt have worked). I love you. But why would you feel entitled to her time to help with party favors for a party youre throwing? Because our societys patterns absolutely will not let anyone think it could be possible that what I, for example, would be doing with that time is letting my brain process the mathematics that will lead to an invention that most of us will never hear about, but it will make all of our lives better. How to Respond to a WYD Text - Sweety High You know the people youre interacting with and their likely motivations better than we do, of course. 8 Funny Replies To "Hahaha" Text Better Responses Yak shaving is a programming term, although Ive also seen it in other contexts. I also love Caps I need to check my calendar and get back to you approach. All of these. It is trickery and so frustrating. Me? If the other person isnt in a chatty mood, we go comfortably silent after a few pleasantries because the Small Talk Gods have been appeased. Me: .No. And with some people it is pretty transparently a question with the subtext of let me mooch off of your free time and/or the things you do in your free time are stupid and wrong. Sometimes we have plans that I can adjust if there is something she wants to do. Are you up to anything good?, If the person comes back with an invitation and youre not enthusiastically sure you want to do whatever it is, delay! Its great! 4. Nothing? If Im 100% sure that I dont want to do the thing based on the asker I treat this as open license to complain about how busy I am. It seems to me to have grown somehow out of how do you do, to which the appropriate response was, of course, how do you do. It took some practice, but I always try to give an out for people, especially since I have a group of Japanese friends where theyre used to giving a soft no. Then they can ask for details to make up their minds, or just shut you down with a no of preferred firmness if the event doesnt appeal. I find mildly-but-not-entirely-absurd stock answers to be a good distraction. Ive got some stuff to do around the house, etc. This will not go away. Sometimes I feel like this is just another Hi, how are you? kind of question that can be sort of skipped over. If you are an academic assigning my posts in your courses, Id appreciate an email with a copy of the relevant syllabus/assignment for my records/CV. Also, the teachers here will not do your homework for you. And it happens often enough, with friends/family/acquaintances, that it can get annoying, but I generally dont jump straight to why do you ask unless theyve previously over-stepped in presuming my time was theirs since Im doing nothing (that I want them to know about or feel like talking about). You just reminded me of the ex-husband of a friend I used to know. Vagueing it up works for me. UGH. (Like just because I have no plans, I must do the Thing she wants to do. So I got in the habit of saying, I have no plans and thats just the way I like it. Im still seething. I ask that question so I wont impose myself on someone by asking them to do something if they already have plans. Overwhelming majority of the time, someone who says why do you ask? wants to know why do you ask. When we nearly got evicted from our housing situation, I was critically busy trying to find an apartment for me and the housemates, and it kind of annoyed me to have friends pinging me like Heyyy, I miss you, can we get lunch this week, without finding out if I was actually available first. One girl mentioned the How are you? and said shed learned not to answer it truthfully because people dont actually care. All of us Americans responded that, well no, its not that we dont actually care. This might just be a difference in communication styles. Im glad youre no longer friends with that jerk. The asker might want the invitee to give some input on what theyd like to do, but thats not the same as expecting them to do all the planning. Wow, dear LW, that was a great message and it certainly gave me good points to think about. Im much better at saying no now, and I realize that in most situations saying no is a perfectly socially acceptable answer. I, personally, like to ask what are you doing this weekend, something fun? when small-talking with my co-workers and friends, and I also hate this question with a passion when its a step to an actual invitation (two very different things!). I went to a lot of meetings I did not want to go because of this, cause I pretty much was cornered into it after admitting I have not set plans.. But I like to think that Im better at saying no now, even though people do sometimes react badly. I can ask them on Monday how it was. Although it can be asked in the ways LW talks about too, usually for me it is just a way of sharing life with friends and doesnt have much motivation beyond that. Are you asking where are you from of every person you meet the first time, or only of those whose appearance/accent makes you suspect they are not from your locality? Must say I kinda love your kids response. But I dont ask them where theyre from, because its really none of my business; there are other kinds of small talk to make. Cant. See also, sometimes when someone is rude or difficult, I will pretend they said something nice or appropriate and respond with a total non-sequitur. Doing great, what are you doing here? There are at least two distinct why do you ask? which are sadly distinguished only by tone. Its really not you, its them. I probably picked it up from my mom, who does the same thing. I want collaborators, not pupils. [I often go in around lunch time.] Can we not use spaz/spazzy, please? (Wriggle your hips) I am as happy as a tick on a big, fat doggy. 20 questions to ask instead of "How are you doing right now?" - Quartz If you dont want to do something tell them youre not allowed and your parents are really strict etc. I understand the concept, but it seems to me that getting an invitation after revealing that you were nominally free at that time would make refusal even harder, not easier. Always? I feel like its asking me to say yes or no to an invitation / commitment before I even know what it is (like, if youre having a party I might be free, but my babysitting quota is full for the month so no to that). The people who are asking what are you doing this weekend? before making a request are taking away the LWs easy out that is, by getting LW to admit that he/she/they are free, the option to refuse with Oh, sorry, I have plans already is no longer there. I dont give any indication as to what I am up to until they tell me what they are up to. Oh my god I have to go to (thing) which is (plaaaaace). 30 Best Responses when Someone Asks "What Are You Doing" When I asked him later, What the heck? If you want to invite them, INVITE. If those people have sufficient ability to cause difficulty or danger if they are displeased, it may not be advisable to say to them but not because it it rude; because those people cause problems when things dont go their way. Is it a throwaway social nicety, or a veiled attempt to get you to accept a task or invite? Later that evening I find out through facebook that HE went out ice skating, with several of our friends, and he had never even mentioned to me that he was going, let alone asked if I wanted to come too! I might not feel quite as entitled to her time, but Id probably still think there were some things I could ask of her that shed be wrong to refuse. I hate it when people tell me whats best for me (more plans! The bad news is that this question probably isnt going anywhere in our lifetime. For example, I used to host (board and card) game nights at my home, and Id create an event on Facebook, invite everyone who was part of this group, and ask them to please let me know as soon as they knew whether or not theyd be there, at least by the day before, so I could plan how much food Id need to buy/make. hours of 8 p.m. and 1 a.m. on Friday and Saturday because it will make you seem like you don't have anything better to do on the weekend. 2. If an invitation to something materializes at this reply, I have no problem saying No. Lets get together. But you have never issued a direct invitation to me in your life. Trust issues and controlling family? You can help!'. As for rentpart of my problem with that is: I would never, ever rent a room to a non-family member. This is about the blandest, most banal small talk question I can think of.). I guess its a cultural thing, I come from a non-English speaking country in Europe and here, I feel, admitting that you dont have Plans-Plans, and then declining an invitation, would be seen as pretty rude. Is this just aimless small-talk? to add: I think if there are people youre close to who do this a lot, like your sister, you can just tell them its a small thing but it bugs you and can they please ask a different way. 22. I would actually be pretty weirded out by a friend who a) felt this was genuinely intrusive BUT b) also would not actually tell me they felt this was too intrusive. This business of hanging on to parental authority as a form of rent, however, has already damaged your relationship, from what youre saying. BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I dont know? Whereas a lot of us see the advantages, like the precision you noticed, to some form of rapid written communication that wasnt around decades ago. Maybe I wont be all that interested in helping her someday. 1. This way, you are always busy when those people ask. 1 Keeping It Real I am currently out of the office on vacation. This one calls for what I call the Gladys response, because I saw it articulated by a woman named Gladys. I guess I run with a very specific social crowd and it hasnt occurred to me in a while that its not always doable to say Im going to do CRAFTS ALONE, its going to be awesome. But I used to be in a grad program where people were super competitive, and if I said oh my god Im going to stay in this weekend, Im so peopled-out people would be lowkey mean about how I wasnt networking/studying/running charity marathons enough. I have strong memories of my MIL telling my husband, shortly after wed married, I need you to clean out the gutters. Or maybe you need to come this weekend and clean out the gutters. I really minded that! and the goal is to just be ok with letting them down when they are the ones who have set an unagreed demand on your time. And then you get people who let it go there and people who keep fishing (where are your parents from? etc etc because they think its impolite to ask WHAT are you, but they really really want to know, so they know what stereotypes to assign you, as you said, or even because theyre just curious, like youre an object). Im well aware of that risk. I dislike being asked this question too, except in my case its more that I dont want to be asked this question by coworkers, ever. As unfathomable as it is to me to want to be out and about with other humans pretty much every night, it is unfathomable to them to want to spend a whole weekend under a blanket with a book. After answering you always ask the other person in return how they are, and they respond in kind. And luckily the people asking me are perfectly able to graciously accept a No. We should definetely try to avoid stealth scheduling questions. So, since my unspoken fear in this situation is that Ill have revealed my availability for an activity I dont want to do and that Ill be too polite to outright say I dont want to go, I figured I might as well express it, even if jokingly. You're not obligated to tell others your plans for the future, if you even have them. Mittens and I can primal scream together. This is a great one because it invites the other person to tell you something that they want to share. 7 Funny Responses to "What Are You Going to do with Your Life?" Dont ask each of us the same question. I mean, where are you REALLY from, but whats up is harder, since nothing/dont know tends to elicit a why not? or you should be/do more fun! And I dont know what to say to that, because no just seems rude and I didnt invite them to improve my life.