He wants me to accept his new relationship so bad and I feel like hes shutting me out because Im not really for it. Surround yourself with a solid community, and find people who will talk you through this kind of stuff, or willing to just talk about the utterly mundane. That's what people do when they start their own families. Shame on you. Before the argument, we had some discomfort about leaving our daughters with them. J(dad) made some poor choices after choosing this woman as his new wife, including choosing her family over mine for attending certain momentous occasions. I strongly feel that like a teenager who gets his heart broken for the first time, he is clinging to someone TOO QUICKLY. No soon after I started to notice her trying to get physcially close to my father. accepted her just so long as we acted as if we did. #pov after my mom died my dad wants to move to the city. 6 months after her death I realized my dad was sort of speaking to other women and though nothing was obviously happening, I was enraged. Chief Distraction Officer was the best role I could play. Both sons are married, one lives locally and one is in another state. They said if they were in that situation they wouldnt be selfish like me. From what Ive been told, she has been after my father for quite some time. She did, however, let me run other errands for her and drive her to the occasional appointment. Not fair to the other person. Meanwhile she is living in my mother's house to the objection of the rest of her siblings and is not paying any rent. My mother had remarried after my father passed, and now it's just my step-father and I. Their union spanned 30 years and they have an adult child. We have a very civil relationship with his wife. I would follow them several paces behind when they went to the cemetery perhaps seeking absolution. This continued for a couple months until he finally told me he was dating her. My wife was taken away from me well before February of this year. He said she is dreading meeting us on the assumption that we WANT to meet her! I didnt make myself visable every visit. I have lost my father, and she couldnt care less about anyone but herself. Well the evening ended, said to my husband on the way home I know where my moms ROLEX watch is he says on the new wife wristOMG I wasnt seeing things, I told my middle sister so the next time we saw them she took a look and yup, I was rightShe is still wearing it to this day and that just makes me sick If someone lost a leg would we feel we could say Cheer up at least you still have one! Our widow and her melatonin at times both my heart issues. I lost my mother in 1995, i was 14 years old. My Mum died almost 2 years ago in Sept 2011. This made my life about 1000x worse to make a long story short, the storm passed and my dad and Is relationship had gotten better over the two and a half years since my mommas passing, and thats what she wouldve wanted. As I said, she so pushy and it was just too much too soon. Also, new caveat she is now on our family plan because its cheaper, for her, and bc she dropped her phone in a toilet on accident.. another woman. We live nine hours apart, and I suggested meeting somewhere in the middle with a counselor. If I were to write down everything he has done thats been terrible Id have a 500 page novel, it just gets worse and worse, really! I understand him wanting to sell the house because mom died in itbut to move so far away! Other folk have mentioned sexual details being mentioned and we had that also. I rarely see him these days, even though we live in the same house. I told him I was ok with it. From the beginning, Ellen and her mother who was still alive at the time were very pushy with me in terms of trying to establish a relationship that I just simply was not ready for as it was too soon and I had not had time to grieve my Mom. But why on earth is the phone bill 400$?! She would show him her new necklace or have him smell his perfume (not on her wrist) right in front of me. You are responsible to your family: you, spouse and child. It's really, devastating sadness that people grow old and suddenly at He was told that she was and remarked that her husband object to her visiting another man-hes almost 88! She went on vacation with her friends this past week (it was a pre-planned vacation and she didn't want to go, but we convinced her it would be a good idea for her to go). We are a tiny island and so property prices will always be high even now when property and land has dropped substantially. I hope that when the end comes I can finally move on. It could be argued that not being forced to entertain this stranger on an important family holiday would make you feel better! #fyp #viral #chiaraactress Dear Girlfriend, Read my previous posting (number 57, on Octber 6th.). There was a huge blow out after my wedding because my dad disrespected my wishes to not have his wife as part of my procession. Unlike some women who date men so soon; no one could accuse her of trying too hard to fit, in or indeed trying at all! She thought she was doing my Dad a favor, but she was supposed to have been a friend to my mother too! So I thought I would reach out to this community. Before and after my mother passing from leukemia my father was dating and later married my mothers best friend from college. She wrote: I will always remember when we went to go see Zero Dark Thirty with him. Whitney came to the movie expecting a thrilling performance by Jessica Chastain, but instead got my counter-terrorism expert father giving an in-depth and slightly terrifying film analysis. If someone close to you ultimately proves to have low death EQ, try not to be disappointed. He ignores his kids and grandkids for the most part and seems so involved in himself to take out true, quality time for us. I was polite to her and to my dad. Are they just suppose to just live their life around their kids and other relatives without a mate. It helped him to see how someone else is suffering, and keep him on a level of reality that is easy to forget through depression and grief. I believed up until 3 years ago that if my father had his time again he had learned lessons and would not behave the same way. WebAnswer (1 of 3): Well you can't bring him back , but be there for her, if she does irrational things support them, trauma is the hardest pill to swallow I know. I dont agree with certain behavior of some of the parents and new GF or friends: comments about physical description and sexual nature, lovey dovey demonstration in front of your family, verbal abuse, etc. He proved he was a lousy judge of character and that once he had committed himself to her he would not let go. I would feel more comfortable with him dating, even if he set up a local profile on eharmony to meet for a date within the large cities he lives by. Not to mention a cancer scare for him and other illnesses that have had him hospitalized. The damage done can not be undone. We all want that. This kills me. I have been there and am still there after many years. If you do not take care of yourself, then you cannot help others. Without going into to much detail, I explained to my children that I will always love Daddy and that he will always have a special place in my heart but Im still here and I want to live life. Long story short: This lola lady died last summer. Am I the asshole? He said, Absolutely not. If you're fortunate enough to have a supportive network, many will say "I am here for you. The key, unsaid part of that sentence is "for whatever you need." I lost my mother unexpectedly over six years ago, when I was 17. Furthermore, if it had been the other way around (i.e., my dad had died instead of my mom), then I would have actually encouraged my mom to get out and meet someone! Why Losing a Parent Hurts So Much, No Matter Your Age I constantly encourage him to keep the relationship with them when he feels frustrated and misunderstood and wants to give up. The reality of all this is I cant let them watch the baby bc he is physically incapable and she is drugged up all the time. She was very reluctant to do this at first, but finally caved after a year or so. My mother died of cancer when I was 16 and my sister and brother were 18 and 14. Is this legal? I am loving. NTA. In the end my father refused help. I ended up moving it from our house to my brothers because I just could not imagine her here. Honestly, Im at a loss. Even if you are the nicest person ever it will be really difficult. Incidentally, upon hearing I had taken the pills my father said two things. Love does not delight in evil but rejoice with the truth. Anyway, I wish you the best of luck in your situation. We all brought pizzas over and his girlfriend brought cookies & fudge, etc. One was Next time do a proper job and Whatever you do never ever tell her what happened. It occured before they were fully living together.He knew she would humiliate him over having a weakling daughter. My mother passed away September 15, 2011 suddenly and unexpectedly to a massive heart attack. They were the priority, my need to be with a man or re-marry, was not the priority. We understand that he will cultivate other friendships and relationships in his life. Alcoholism has actually been a big issue in my family, and I'm worried about it as well. Since then there has been no contact unless we dropped my father off at her home. Perhaps the longer the marriage, the greater their need to have another companion someone to soothe their hurt. But the way that she did it was deceitful. On the contrary he thinks that he owes her because she moved and sold her house on retirement to live with him. You may put on a brave face but he ought to know that that is not the same as accepting her. While my Mom was a real people person who would do anything for anyone this woman would avoid helping someone if she could. We were home a week then they left again on a trip to Hawaii. Try to do everything that you reasonably can in order to offer your mother a sympathetic ear. IT REALLY BOTHERS ME hes also always with her kids!! My Dad and I have never been close but Mom wanted us to mend the rift and after her death I stayed with Dad and helped with as much as I could before going back to my family. We are in the same scenarios, so I wont get into it. We are doing our best to cope with things. My kids were disappointed that they didnt see him that much. He moved us all into his girlfriends home because she gave him an ultimatumgive her a child or end the relationshipand in the end, he gave her a child. I dont think you understand. I'm so, so sorry for your loss- You sound like an incredible and caring family, and losing a member of that family must be really difficult for all of you. I agree that we just feel the way we feel. They had small get-together at my Dads house after the wedding and my Dad simply did not look happy that night. Our dedicated home care staff are specialists who provide a range of services according to their training, professional certification and experience. I didnt feel resentment anymore, and it helped that the lady hes seeing is a lovely classy lady who I am quite fond of, and this doesnt feel like an intrusion into my family, the way it used to. I am just not going to feel sorry for someone who is disliked by both her family and his. mother Obviously, I cannot advise you. Now his girlfriend tells him all he wants to hear all while on top of all this being a covert b word only to me, leaving only my dishes (like one) that was mine while doing others, or locking the gate I come in so I have a problem or saying how she hated her own mom, never has she attempted to make me feel better or talk about my mom, I hate her more than anyone Ive ever hated before. I feel like you. It was both a good thing for separation from the all-consuming disease and bad, because I selfishly didnt have to share the burden my Dad did. My new GF is so understanding and does not want to replace my wife. We told my dad and his fiance how happy we were for them, and we were. If someone made that demand of you and my sisterz, you would be screaming bloody murder. I wish I knew how to get passed this. I have a sister who is 20 years older and she told him it was all too soon and he should consider everyone elses feelings but he said he was entitled and really proved he could not have cared less what anyone thought. And though hes a grown man who can make his decisions, the kids still deserved some consideration. Yes thats right 9hours could be more. Then on Thanksgiving he brought her to my house. It just takes work; maybe lots of work, but you can do it! One way to help yourself adjust to this situation is to spend some one-on-one time with your fathers new girlfriend to get to know her better for who she is. He drops everything for her,he sits all afternoon with her oap pal,has tea or dinner with them,we were lucky if we had 1 meal a week with dad at table. It easier to let go and get the grieving over with now.. Im not interested in prolonging it for the next 10 days, 10 months or 10 years. Nice. My brother did not attend them either. But I feel myself being divided from my dad and a slap in the face to my Mom if there is something going on. This took its toll and the widower ended the relationship. I went next. What is hard for him is that his father wants him to accept this so soon- wants to bring her over to watch our kids and have dinner together. Add to that all kinds of weird girlfriend moments-her wearing my clothes without asking, going through my personal things, falling asleep standing up, falling asleep at the dinner table, falling asleep at other peoples houses at parties, etc. But I hope she comes out of it. What can I say to her or how can I help her understand that life will still go on without my dad, especially when I am dealing with his loss as well? Laugh March mom and Dad declared a separation ( Long story short, my 34-year-old big brother a wedge between them). It was a very long battle as you may be able to tell but she did end up moving on. He told my sister not to even make eye contact or speak to her. Because I was faced with a totally insensitive and unkind woman who barged in without the slightest sympathy or care for the family or me as a 13 year old living at home I blamed her more than I ought to have done. I have to place myself in the the shoes of a girlfriend and ask myself, would I lack class, respect or decency by tearing a family apart by my presence in the picture? Is the number one destination for online dating with more There are three of us kids and this was hard to deal with. By June of this year, he went on a family trip of hers, to visit her nieces college graduation?! dont attend any family functions until the rest of the family has had time to grieve and cope with their loss. Not going through joyous good years of their partner is one widower. I dont understand her and I never will. That same day, one of the part time workers called while we were there at his house (Irene) and showed up 30 minutes later. done. I really feel sorry for the women these men dateits really not so much about that particular woman, believe me, they dont need to feel special, these men are lonely and want someone with a PULSE. He left immediatly after we ate. Your mom sounds like someone who tries very hard to be self-sufficient - which means you may not know the extent to which she relied on your dad. What is wrong with that? I want a relationship with my father and his wife, but unless we agree to put the past behind us, I dont think it can happen. The people who have been talking about the rights of the adult parent to move on however quickly are not seeing the whole picture. I got to my parents house, and noticed that a cupboard that was under the stairs that my dad hadnt cleaned out in 43 years of being married, nor had he looked in , in that same amount of time -was completely empty. So ever since this happened Ive been cordial but I dont accept her. He does not dare ask if she will be staying for a few days. Her death, while so very difficult to deal with of course, was not a surprise for any of us. Amongst other things I turned to biking as a release. Their response is we are selfish and over-controlling for not allowing them to take the girls. What the actualI have three cells (mine plus kids) and a landline and probably pay less than $200 - Canadian. We were surprised, but happy for him if he was happy. Dad bought a convertible and they go cruising around town Moms ashes arent even spread yet. She had her own house but sold it. But it seems that for right now, what makes him feel better is pushing our family apart. One night we decided to open a bottle of her favorite wine to toast her memory, and before I knew it my Step-Dad and I were making love on the living It is an emotional overload for everybody. Not so much anymore. Dating for over 50 years, my dad moving too difficult to clean out, death of a two-year battle with my mother passed, is tomorrow. Does she have good credit, or credit in general? She has told my dad he is dull, boring, all he wants to do is work, she doesnt want him to take care of her, to buy her things, to keep calling her. Its not a case of not liking dads new partner,its the fact that hes totally different with her than he was when mam was alive. My take on it is this: Get on with it if it will make you happy. My point is- as we are accepting his new friend- we are not ready to meet her, or allow her to be a part of our family. This is (as I tell EVERYONE) a testimony to how great a mother she was before this terrible illness struck her. I bet he has no idea how this has hurt you, I miss my husband with all of my heart and would do anything to have our life back and the way it used to be. She was only 59 years old. Did your dad leave money for her retirement? Yes, certainly more culpable if you ignore your young childrens feelings but also for in-laws and adult children too. Thanks again for sharing. Shortly after she moved in with them, our father who was suffering from Alzheimers Disease/dementia was transferred to a nursing home close to our parents home. But how can you be the judge? Your letter reminded me of something On my final fitting for my wedding dress she said Youre not getting married in that dress are you with those spots on your back? How kind to give my confidence such a boost! I cannot understand their position. Its like its no longer convient for him to do that. Recently, she was invited to family function by my brother (who did not tell me). Alex Murdaugh, the victims'husband and father, was just found guilty of their Know that if you have a change of heart, you have to communicate that to those who are more than eager to help. NTA. While you may feel alive and aglow this poor family are aghast. So Girlfriend, I guess no one can have any sympathy for you or take your message and somehow change the way we really feel because you need to have a companion in your old age. I missed my Mum so much in the beginning, and hated being the only girl in a family of boys who talk about computers and machinery and leave me out completely. I am so glad to have found this website. As a woman and a wife and mom myself, I feel very sad when I think how quickly my dad replaced my mom and professed his undying love for this new woman so quickly. I realise it is a long time ago for you. 9 Likes, 0 Comments - Life Coach (@lindadrosdowech) on Instagram: I was struggling after my dad died with my moms dementia, extended family issues, and oh yeah, I live you but I don't live this entitled attitude. Where is her income? But after the movie, we are able to move on because we harbor no feelings of guilt or regret. Despite the fact that she tried to be affectionate at first, she has never called me to ask how I am doing or how my children are doing. I am the girlfriend of a widower of 3 grown daughters. I hope shes nice and will be my friend and be good to talk to. And he once told me how it had been weeks since I even hugged him. I love the attention self care is getting in social media. He would tell me that I am just bring emotional. I still live at home (student loans, yay! My dad now has a girlfriend. I got to hear so many stories I had never heard of, and I felt incredibly connected to my fatherand, unexpectedly, at peace with my grief. My mom is extremely independent and self-sufficient (she is a program manager at her job), and it's a big shock to hear her talk the way she does, like she can't do anything without my dad. Does your mother want and/or need you to move in? After I started working at YouTube, Dad loved sending me his favorite live versions of songs he found on the platform. Your email address will not be published. It eats away at me every single day. You were saying: Maybe there is a positive side that we havent encountered yet Im still waiting. Would I really want to bring more pain to the family and use the excuse that he deserves to be happy as if the girlfriend is the only way a man of 76 could be happy? Finally i heard my dad, he told her to shut it, because he heard enough and shes a horrible person. She didnt shed one tear at his death bed or funeral and has been out with one of his friends who carried the coffin within weeks of Dads death (only on occasional basis as he has a complicated relationship with someone else whatever) and I have not stopped her. Just forced her into all are lives. I feel the pain of all the daughters on this website and Im glad I found this site. I found her to be disrespectful & a very good liar. Until they met her, people would say ,Well your father needs a life of his own and you wouldnt want him to be on his own. I bought this argument and struggled to forgive the huge and ongoing hurt. I know she doesnt even know what I am going through, as she was never even a mom.. How can she ever begin to be that for me.. Is it even on her radar? 97,343 The three other suspicious deaths linked to I couldn't help but feel like my world was quickly falling apart. Father They were very codependant, but because I grew up with them being that way, it wasnt a big deal to my sister or I. Within a few weeks after losing my Mom, my father started talking with women online for friendship and companionship. needing someone to soothe his hurts. Before he left, he promised he would only be a phone call away. I never met the woman my dad is involved with. Let me be clear- Ive never asked this woman to do a thing a for me and I never will. My heart eyes goes way up every time she messes up our home, bleaching the carpet, breaking things cuz she mindlessly pulls stuff too hard or carelessly. before she was rushed by ambulance to the Hospital. My dad was cleaning up the house to sell because my mom and I were planning on living together when he moved to his girl friend across the country. Key Tip 1: In time, grief will diminish, although it sometimes takes a year or longer. They should talk with them and truly take their feelings into account. she brushed it off bc due to the market she didnt think wed get a place we could afford..but then she received a letter in the mail a week or so later stating she was losing 600 a month due to my middle sister turning 18, she came storming into my room demanding my husband & I start paying what shed be losing monthly to her in rent. First Id like to say to Curious that I dont think there is a specific length of time that makes it ok to date after a spouse dies. Mumbling, repeating herself, not eating but complaining about her weight to everyone including fat people (95 pounds!!! She doesnt like to be taken care of, but loves to take care of her family. My father is with this person every single day & calls him at least 3 times a day. In front of me he found it necessary to call her angel, and feels he should talk mushie to her when I am around. However, the engagement and upcoming wedding (December 1st!!) It crushed me that he could feel my resentment but I remember how angry I felt and how it felt like my world, my family unit was being invaded. Grieving is not something you should ever do alone. I found out from my SIL at the hospital while waiting during my bros triple by pass heart op, that he had taken me out if his will. Dad died, my older brother, and i am 26 years old family. During this period I recommend that the complete family join a grieving group. You dont have to get involved immediately. He referred to her as my stepmother the other day, and her kids as my step siblings. It is also the mother of a friend i had in elementary school. And paperwork etc. Military Losses Often Complicated by War Coverage. Generations will suffer. I suggested talking it out. She spent a lot of time complaining about just about everything. To say I was shocked beyond words is an understatement. However, my moms health took a turn for the worse. When my mother died my sister moved in to her house and is living there and wants to buy the rest of the siblings their share of the house. Legal Rights and Care for the Caregiver: Where Are They? He had never been around death until that time, my parents had been married 55 years. how to equip shoes in 2k22 myteam / bombas distribution center / moving in with mom after dad died. Even my 18 year old daughter says about her granddad, Hea acting like a teenage who just broke up with his girlfriend and is in a rebound relationship. Only, his girlfriend was his wife for 54+ years. The gossiping and meddling that has started to take place- my dads girlfriend is at the center of all the drama. When they decide to remarry it involves the entire family their children, grandchildren, in-laws. I do know that I will need to find some way to deal with it, but I'm just worried that thinking about being sad will just make me sad. moving Our own happiness comes with a price and if that price is our own kids, there is nothing worth losing them. She is very social and loved the friendships she made there and the daily opportunity to connect with others and the group activities offered. He was her caretaker and he held her hand to the very end. Lets just say from the rehab center she was supposed to come home Friday, and then on Thurs. It would be appalling enough to celebrate without your Mom but to have a young girl thrust upon you is just too much. Try to work it out: In the end, even paying a renter or nonpaying guest to go away might be faster and cheaper than trying to evict him. Growing up, I lived with both my parents and I would say we were a very close family. I was quite angry when I heard about this and we never again spoke of it. More than anything else, you can simply be there for her. My dad sped up the selling of the house and ended up moving in with his girl friend in May after I graduated. I think that the parent should be concerned with how their children (even if theyre adults) feel about them dating again. We can afford it, so I'm not complaining. What my husband and I did years ago is none of her business anyway. My brother was okay with it, my sister was as well(but now she is not) I lost my mother to illness a year ago and my father started dating just 3 months after she passed. Anyway, I am furious about this entire situation. Thank you for being so honest in your comments. With us not around all the time, I'm worried that she just won't be eating. mother I know, I stayed single so i never brought that step situation into the lives of my children. The girl is only 25 years old.